Life has never been simple or easy for any parent. The balancing of duties and of work-life responsibilities leaves many working parents feeling lacking. It is one of the great challenges of adulting–to never feel that you are accomplishing enough in one or more areas of your life. While the pandemic presented additional challenges for most families, it also brought some perspective. What really matters, after all? When our day-to-day lives are stripped down to the bare bones, so to speak, what makes life worth living and enriches our relationships with our children? The pandemic gave everyone the chance to be considerate of how we are living our lives and the opportunity to create ways of living more fully and authentically. I’d like to think the pandemic made us better parents and better human beings. Writer and mother Ambrosia Brody shared a list of five mindsets and practices she will maintain in her family long after the pandemic is over. 1. Say no more often, and do not feel guilty or badly about it Working parents view the weekends as times for immersive family experiences. After the work week, weekends are rarely times for relaxing, but instead often function as the couple of days where parents feel like they can make up for lost time with their children and put incredible effort into making them feel valued by driving them to playdates and birthday parties. “To be honest, we also spent many weekends at events that we would have preferred to skip but felt obligated to attend. Let’s just say that saying ‘no’ was not something I was good at,” she wrote. “Then the pandemic came along and saying no was my go-to response to anything and everything that felt unsafe.” Saying no is your right as a human being and something you should be capable of doing with your children and with other adults in your life, she explained. Being overscheduled puts everyone under undue stress and a slower pace, while sometimes initially difficult for children to accept, means that time spent as a family can be better enjoyed by everyone. It takes confidence to say no, she pointed out, and she plans on carrying that confidence into post-covid life. “Some people may take it personally, but I’ve learned it’s not my responsibility to make other people like my choices,” she wrote. 2. A willingness to ask for help from your partner during the school day Many mothers mistake shouldering the bulk of responsibility for their children for involvement and denying their husband’s offers to help. This behaviour, as she explained, is a shortcut to burn out. When daily routines changed from the pandemic, partners had to adapt. Having a home classroom while working remotely was something that seemed deceptively simple and easy. Well, many parents discovered it was another layer of stress. “The [first] week was filled with tears (mostly mine) and so much frustration. There was no way to sustain a productive work schedule and be available to my children during distance learning,” she wrote. “I needed help, which was hard for me to admit.” That transition demanded incredible collaboration and a whole new level of teamwork for couples. Asking for and actually accepting help is something that can bring balance to parenting responsibilities and to the relationship itself. “The pandemic brought my husband and me closer and improved our communication because we relied on one another to make sure everything with the kids ran semi-smoothly,” she wrote. That transition meant that she was able to be vulnerable and ask for help when she was feeling overwhelmed and allowed for her to let go of some responsibilities she was shouldering alone. 3. Understand that it is not always your responsibility to entertain the kids Play-acting with dolls may be something your kids want you to do all the time, but finding a balance and maintaining enough time for adulting is also important. Her husband reminded her that it is okay to not always entertain the children. Those kinds of boundaries can be important for remote working parents. Brody and her husband ordered activity boxes and board games, things that the kids could use to entertain themselves. “Letting them entertain themselves resulted in some important discoveries and interesting creations,” she wrote. Her second grader developed a love of crafting and sewing. 4. Give kids more responsibilities Kids are often capable of doing more than adults give them credit for, including their own creative snacks once they hit a certain age. This can serve as a valuable lesson in autonomy and let kids build some confidence in their abilities and independence. They need to be age-appropriate responsibilities, but there are often a number of areas where kids can be helpful. When kids are bored, give them the chance to be helpful, she explained. “Now they have a chore chart that includes more ‘big girl’ responsibilities such as helping take out the trash, dusting, and washing the dishes,” she wrote. 5. Have frequent family check-ins Many families took walks during the pandemic just to stretch their legs and get some fresh air and sunshine. This also presented an opportunity for discussions. It is a chance to truly connect and engage with family and figure out the challenges and successes of each day. “As things begin to feel more normal, we no longer take as many walks as we used to. However, we try to squeeze them in here and there, and we always check in with one another at dinner time,” she wrote. So many aspects of the pandemic have been tragic and challenging, but perhaps the silver lining (maybe the only one) is that we learned a greater idea of family and friend connection, self-care and a willingness to help our neighbours. After all, we are all struggling through this crazy world together. |
AuthorDr. Angela Carol MD,CCFP,FCFP is a family physician focused on treating chronic illnesses. Archives
May 2022
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